Reminders to Myself

There are some points about human psychology I have been noticing for some time now. I am learning to stop trying to change people around me and following the adage of being the change you want to see in the world. I am writing these down only for my own benefit. When life bogs me down with too many responsibilities in the future and bestows on me growing age, crankiness, failures, and successes, and I lose my ability to think clearly, reading this should help to put things back in perspective.

1) Your wedding is important only to you and your family. Lengthy screenings of marriage CD’s should be avoided at all costs. Friends looking at your wedding album do not want to know the identity of every person in the pictures, unless they specifically ask.

2) Relationships formed through marriage are tricky affairs. My parents and siblings might be the most loving and understanding people in the world for me, but their relatives-in-law would beg to differ. This is true for all in-law relationships in general. It is a waste of time and energy to even try to change that. The best all can do is to accept that everyone is different and respect their privacy and diversity. In-laws deserve not to be taken for granted just because they are now a part of your family.

3) The world does not have perfect people (especially perfect daughters and mothers in law!). Save yourself the trouble of trying to change them.

4) Your own kids are the cutest, most important, beautiful, and entertaining human beings in the world. Ditto for everyone else around, including animals (with respect to their OWN kids). If and when I have children I will not endlessly discuss their achievements and problems with other people. All compliments though, will be graciously accepted.

5) Family and friends might adore my baby, but that does not automatically make them babysitters. Everyone loves flowers, but they might not want to do the gardening themselves.

6) A mother knows what’s best for her baby. Nature granted her that right. If I think I know better, I will suggest, never insist or impose (even if the new mother is my own daughter).

5) Modern day parenting, sans the stick and punishment is not the best way of raising kids. My kids will never be allowed to jump on other’s sofas or meddle with things in their houses, even if it means publicly rebuking them.

6) If I ever have a son, I’ll try to remember that once he gets married, I will no longer be the most important woman in his life. I hope that later then, I’ll still appreciate the fact that it shouldn’t be otherwise. On the sunnier side, if I have a daughter, I’ll always be the most important woman in her life.

7) This one is going to be difficult. I will try really hard to let my kids make mistakes and learn from them. Who knows, they might just end up taking a risk (the one I was too scared to take) and bringing it to fruition.

8) People of the younger generation, including my kids, will have ways of having fun I never thought possible. I’ll try not to judge or envy them. I know how my parents felt when they found out how I spent my weekends.

9) Generation gap is a fact of life. I might be a tattoo sporting, piercing covered, forward thinking mom, but my kids will still think I am old fashioned. And I will still disagree with their attitude to life. I’ll learn to accept that.

10) I’ll consciously make an effort everyday to talk lesser. Over the years I have repeatedly noticed that I have never regretted not saying something. I’ll also try to do everything I say and say only what I intend to do.

11) Yes, life IS unfair. That’s God’s idea of a joke. You can’t change that. I’ll take comfort in the fact that even the object of my envy feels the same way. The grass is truly always greener on the other side.

12) In spite of all the drudgery, life is still worth the journey (no really, do you have a way out?). I am learning everyday that the sooner I accept this, the better I am able to appreciate the scenery.